Wednesday, December 1, 2010

everything you (right) sounds so perfect

I like being a customer
for once, irregular.

I'm making all these Christmas bears sing
Jingle Bells, there's probably over 20 of them and everyone stops
just for a second, feeling nervous

I once subscribed to National Geographic without permission
all because
I wanted to look at the pictures
I wanted the stuffed husky dog that came free with subscription and everyday,

I ran to the mailbox expecting an entire dog
until it was there
it was tiny
it smelled funny and had a weird looking face

I didn't know what it meant

6 years old, writing Christmas lists on pieces of lined paper with pictures
cut out from the Sunday newspaper,
poorly taped next to each number
I knew they'd never make it under the Christmas tree-
that's not the point

23 years old, I'm doing the same thing
only it's in my head
(I can't get out of here because I'm so in love with everything)

I'm worried everyone must know about the sour gummy worms I abandoned behind a box of Lucky Charms
-minus three

childhood guilt; bought a box of fun dip just for the sticks
because I can't stop thinking
about those sad worms

I'm all over the city just for the driveby
conversations, always staring at the ground,
hoping for the best. An invisible girl
she says: "I mean
I guess you kind of have to, right?"


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