HOW HAVE YOU BEEN, HOW ARE THINGS?

Don't know what time it is, too busy running out of it

EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL, EVERYTHING IS GREAT
We're together now- it's August
can't look out the window, it's beautiful out there
SHUT IT OUT
slept through autumn, missed something
tired of looking at the sun, tired of-
tired, so tired

September sun- don't exist
3 am, two missed calls
(didn't miss them, just you)
I couldn't do what's up/what are you doing/how are you
(NOTHING, WE'VE GOT NOTHING)
clumsy, will not last
HERE I AM, STRANDED
sleeping in your clothes,
a ghost was here, maybe
so strange amongst your things, bare legs, bed too big I think but-
(I forget)

WHAT IF-
I don't say the right things, I'm worried
that I'm too busy worrying about saying the the right things
can't really say, not can't like shouldn't, can't like
(I haven't found the words yet)
oh, I love you much more
than I will ever be able to say
(I haven't found the words)

midnight in November-
"I won't let you leave"
you walked out the door,
THIS IS MY HOUSE, YOU CAN'T


Shaela is playing the guitar and I'm thinking-
what a dumb fucking girl I am
head in the clouds, a million books I shouldn't have read
imagining someone like you, glasses.
WHAT A DUMB FUCKING GIRL.
Ugly inside, can't look at anyone- they'll notice
tired of people asking, tired of people talking.
Little birds can't look at me;
shut down, go through the motions-
drugs, give me drugs, where are you?
Alright during the day, running in circles
forgetting myself, nothing to say really.
Maybe that should make me nervous,
it feels pretty good.
(I FORGET EVERYTHING)

I just, don't know what to say
I don't think there's anything to say

Must be nice, growing up with people-
living in the same places.
Really nice, sticking around.
(this is easy, I bet you're so busy)

FOR HALF A SECOND, EVERYTHING IS GREAT
So I talk about it, then blink-
it's bad again
Look at you all, doing the dishes-
don't look at me for reassurance
I haven't got anything for any of you.
Exhausted, someone says
what did you do today,
how have you been? I think
(I DON'T WANT TO SHARE ANY OF THIS WITH YOU)
sorry, normally I give myself to everyone but I'm tired of it.
I'm so tired of it because look what happens?
Judith gets peppermint in her coffee today,
Triple venti soy laughter, the business man
as dry as foam-I say "shit's shit" about Christmas.
I like him from this distance, behind everything
(at least I know now)
DON'T PUSH IT, GET AWAY
here we all are, here we are every day together.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, ARE YOU OKAY?
(everything familiar pushed inside a stranger)
oops, I confused your friends with mine, it snowed
that night we forgot about what if-
WHAT IF YOU GROW UP
(WHAT IF I SHUT UP)
what if I let you stay?
it's not so great but still-
better than the cold of this house or any morning alone.
I found letters from the summer last night,
they made it seem understandable


February, fucked in the head-
thinking about terrible things, like milk
(non-fat, 2%, whole, no please, no)
GET UP, STAND UP
GET UP, STAND UP
I haven't felt beautiful for a very long time